If he does receive another cow this time, let’s hope it doesn’t meet the same sad fate as Juliette (slaughtered) - which would probably result in another sad headline from the Telegraph, as with last time:Sour finale for prize Swiss cow.
As a proud Swiss, I am stoked to see one of my countrymen kicking ass on the world stage, but as a conscientious Kiwi, I’m a little concerned about Juliette’s unfortunate successor!
A recent article I had published, “Outrageous ads not so outrageous,” appeared slightly different to the way it was before I sent it in.
Less witty, I would argue.
So here I am going to gratify my sense of witticism (yep, it IS a word) by publishing the orginal intro (which was changed) and outro (which was struck out).
Intro:An Outrageous advertising campaign targeted at the central city has outraged some, but left others simply stuck for words.
Outro:It seems for now, the public will have to continue filling in the gaps themselves – or not, as the case may be.
At least I thought it was witty – read the article, compare and decide for yourself…
It is understandable that a serious newspaper cannot appear to be taking the piss, so I’m not offended in the slightest - in fact, having your stories torn apart, chewed up, and spat out is what being a journo is all about – isn’t it?
On the other hand, perhaps I should have sent it to Truth?
If David Bain wants compensation from the government, I must warn him from experience that government agents are hard to squeeze money from.
My WINZ case ‘manager’ must have seen me coming a mile away – “Ah, another victim to feel the wrath of my years of being bullied at school.”
She began by staring at me blankly, then rudely thrust some papers at me saying I should have brought with me a birth certificate, passport, blood and fecal samples.
“The form didn’t tell me to bring a birth certificate, passport, blood and fecal samples,” I pleaded in vain.
“The blood and fecal samples can wait,” she said charitably, “But I’m going away this weekend for 5 days and I want to sort this out before I go.”
Ok Madam, I thought. I wouldn’t want to have you worrying about my rent payments while you are relaxing at Foxton Beach.
I raced around on the Thursday prior to Queens Birthday sussing out everything my power tripping case ‘manager’ wanted – minus the blood and fecal samples of course.
Originally I had a different case ‘manager’ – one who was encouraging me to apply for the dole despite me saying I didn’t want it and only wanted to be registered as a job seeker (to be eligible to use the WINZ job database and hopefully eligible for business training).
This original case ‘manager’ said she was more than happy to help me apply for the business enterprise grant (it includes funding and training to start your own business).
Unfortunately, my dealings with this generous-if-ditsy case ‘manager’ were cut short and I was fobbed off to Madam, who assured me I would not be eligible because her past hardships needed to be taken out on someone fitting my description.
I’ve since been told by a fellow ‘WINZ client’ that the original case ‘manager’ is just as useless as the latter, and only ever wants to talk about her weekend, boyfriends and this awesome dress she has on lay-buy.
Thanks to the generosity of the National government, benefits are not being cut (yet). But a bunch of employees at the Ministry of Social Development are going to be demoted to the McDonalds drive-thru window – and I’ve got two names they might want to start with.
- Oh, and by-the-way, the blood and fecal samples are in the mail.
Televison: it’s a cut throat industry. Or so I am told. Commercially successful TV means catering to a broad audience, having high production values and – in the case of comedy – using humour that is widely accessible.
That’s the beauty of YouTube: Filmmakers can now cater to a narrow audience, have the lowest of the low production values and use humour that few people find funny.
“I’ve always struggled for laughs because I’m all about sarcasm, irony and satire,” says a Wellington filmmaker, director of Extreme Kiwi Skateboarding Roadtrip 2009.
The filmmaker – who for the purposes of this article must remain anonymous because of a conflict of interest with the author – expects the film to appeal to about 3% of the people who watch it, and is happy with that figure.
“A satisfaction rate of 3 per cent would mean all the travelling, late nights, blood, sweat and tears were worth it. Just to see the smile on the 3 per cent of the childrens’ faces is all the payment I need.”
There are talks of a sequel to Extreme Kiwi Skateboarding Roadtrip 2009, although the director is wary of the appeal of sequels.
A recent cartoon has led me to rehash this old gem – How do cartoonists get away with what appears to be blatant defamation? I spoke to cartoonist Mike Moreu and queried media law experts:
PORTRAYING politicians as nut-cases or self-deified money-grabbers is all in a day’s work for New Zealand cartoonists – and it appears there’s little in terms of the law to stop them.
“Many cartoons have a defamatory meaning,” says media law expert Steven Price. “That is, they make the readers think less of someone depicted, but that’s not to say they are legally defamatory.”
There are several legal defences available for cartoonists, such as honest opinion based on fact or qualified privilege in the case of depictions of politicians.
“Perhaps a bigger reason is that launching defamation proceedings will only draw more attention to the cartoon, and will make it look as if the plaintiff can’t take a joke.
“Quite apart from that, defamation lawsuits are risky, lengthy and expensive,” he says.
The leading New Zealand defamation case involving a cartoonist was future prime minister William Massey v New Zealand Times in 1911, a year before he was elected.
Massey accused the newspaper of defaming him in a cartoon that suggested his party – the Reform Party – had distributed “scurrilous” pamphlets.
The jury found the cartoon was not defamatory because it was “a political cartoon pure and simple,” and an Appeal Court upheld that decision.
Professional cartoonist Mike Moreu – whose work appears in several New Zealand newspapers including The Dominion Post – says he has never had second thoughts about a cartoon, but his editors have.
He could recall only one of his cartoons being rejected because of its legally touchy subject, and says although he gets little editorial feedback, editors tend to err on side of caution “when money’s at stake.”
“It’s not the cartoonist’s job to worry about that sort of stuff. You’ve got to pitch your cartoons to the audience, but that doesn’t mean pull back on the message.”
Originally from the US, Mr Moreu says it is easy to offend people in New Zealand because it is a small country with few degrees of separation.
“In saying that, New Zealand is extremely liberal. Some of the stuff I can do here I would never get away with in the States. They’re gun-shy about lawsuits.”
Fellow cartoonist Tom Scott could not be contacted for comment, but is well known for his political cartoons and particularly as former prime minister Robert Muldoon’s antagonist.
Mr Scott was banned from Muldoon’s press conferences because Muldoon didn’t regard him as a real reporter, but rather a satirist.
Canterbury University law lecturer Ursula Cheer says political cartoons are seen generally as satire, “and so it would be difficult to show they have a defamatory meaning.
“The Bill of Rights now means that freedom of expression must be weighed in the balance in these cases – political satire is seen as high value speech and worthy of protection.”
Disclaimer: This article originally appeared on NewsWire
Classic Wellington hard rock band Head Like a Hole played to a sold-out and hard-core crowd when they performed at Mighty Mighty a couple of weekends back.
Reformed after eight years out of the music scene, prior to the show some people were describing the Mighty Mighty gig as a warm up to their performance at Homegrown (the following day), but lead singer Nigel Beazley said all their gigs get “pretty crazy”.
And crazy it got, with a small but enthusiastic mosh pit ensuring mayhem, and anyone near the front covered in sweat by the end of the show (see slideshow).
Head Like a Hole were hugely popular in the late 1990s with songs such as ComfortablyShagged, Hootenanny, and a cover of Bruce Springsteen’s I’m on Fire.
The band has not announced any more dates and it is not known whether they will now disband or stay together – but as the gig showed, Head Like a Hole still has a devoted fan base.
The occasional trademark grunt assures you this film features the legendary Clint Eastwood.
Dirty Harry returns to the screen, this time older and with a different name, but still with a stare that can see into a man’s soul, strangle it and spew it out.
About 10 minutes into Gran Torino – which Eastwood also directs – I knew my Dad would love this film.
It is the redneck character spouting the obligatory one-liners and insightful grunts that are sure to please Eastwood aficionados.
“I’ll blow a hole in your face, then go inside and sleep like a baby,” is one example that springs to mind.
I was raised watching Clint Eastwood spaghetti-westerns, so it’s great to see the classic Eastwood persona reprised for what is rumoured to be the big fella’s last on-screen role.
The film moves slowly at times and the plot is a bit predictable, but the actors do well – not only Eastwood, but also the unknowns who have struck the big-time landing these roles.
Eastwood plays Walt Kowalski, a hard-case Korean War veteran who has lived in the same neighbourhood for eons.
He is increasingly disappointed with each Asian family that moves into what used to be a run-of-the-mill, middle-class, white suburb.
The somewhat cheesy plot arises when ethnic minorities start causing trouble and Kowalski strikes up an unlikely friendship with the Asian family living next door.
Initially holding them in contempt, he get super-pissed off when the family’s teenage boy tries to steal his beloved 1972 Gran Torino.
The timid teenager – Thao Vang Lor, played by Bee Vang – is forced by his elders to help Kowalski with household chores after the incident, which has brought shame to the family.
This is where the awkward but amusing neighbourly friendship begins to blossom – and Kowalski even finds it in his heart to drink their beer.
With the neighbourhood overrun by ethnic gangs and the area turning to the dogs, does anybody have the guts to stick up for the good guys?
“Ever notice how you come across somebody once in a while you shouldn’t have f***ed with? That’s me.”
If you love Eastwood, go and see it, and if you don’t love him… you’re not still reading are you?
Disclaimer: This review originally appeared on NewsWire. To read it and other reviews follow this link.
In December I spoke to Interest.co.nz managing editor Bernard Hickey about the best ways people could invest their money.
This week I put the same questions to ABN AMRO Craigs’ stock exchange advisor Anne Hare (below) - and got different answers.
Property, gold and art aren’t a complete waste of time, but investing in conventional assets is a better option, says Ms Hare.
The best approach as an alternative to finance companies is to invest in low risk, low return bonds or deposits in combination with developing a “balanced portfolio”.
A balanced portfolio is where an investor spreads an investment across various investment types – for example, cash, bonds and shares.
Ms Hare says putting money in material investments certainly isn’t an unpopular idea: “Some investors like a mix of assets including gold and other commodities and collectibles such as art.”
Having a diverse range of investments “reduces overweighting any particular asset class”, meaning any risks associated with taking a gamble on just one type of asset is eliminated.
Gold can be a reasonable investment – if you invest in a gold mining company rather than buying the actual commodity.
Ms Hare says the trouble with buying the commodity itself (for example, gold bars) is that it does not produce an income and it can only go up or down in price. “Whereas a mining company can expand and produce a dividend yield if the company is well managed and is able to grow its business.”
So while investing in the commodity of gold itself is problematic, at least when you own shares you receive an income and there is some security.
When it comes to collectible investments such as art, the main problems posed are that they could be stolen, and possible difficulties finding a buyer.
However, Ms Hare says even though art may not give a monetary return, one advantage is you can enjoy it while it hangs on your wall .
She describes property investment as a “specialty area” with a number of management issues such as tenanting, maintenance and falling prices. “Property ownership as an investor can be rewarding, but there is a time commitment to maintaining it and attending to those issues landlords need to deal with.”
She says that like art, property can be difficult to sell and the current environment is an illustration of what can happen in “illiquid” property markets. Another problem is that unlike cash, bonds and shares, investors are unable to sell a portion of a house when they need some extra money.
Anne Hare
For people thinking of stashing their money under the bed, think again, as inflation can make it lose value. However, leaving money in the bank leaves investors exposed to movements in interest rates and can result in no increase in its value , “unless the interest payments are reinvested”.
And for anyone with a spare $100,000 and looking to invest – where should they put their money?
Ms Hare says every investor is unique and her advice would depend on “what your goals are with this money, whether or not you owned your own home, are already a KiwiSaver, and your attitude towards risk”.
Just a few observations from media coverage of today’s Obama Inauguration
(The bold passages indicate what has been reported).
“[Labour leader Phil] Goff, who this morning joined about 100 others at a party at the United States Embassy in Wellington celebrating the inauguration, said President Obama had generated hope of new approaches and fresh ideas.” However, he failed to note that the “Time for change” platform which Obama successfully utilised had indirectly led to (or at least foresaw) the Labour Party’s thrashing in November.
“”Obama, Obama,” the crowd cheered”. Brings to mind a recent must-see episode of South Park (episode 1212: ‘About last night’) in which Obama supporters were somewhat… ungracious in victory – but definitely knew how to party. They trash the town while McCain supporters hide in a bunker awaiting the end of the world.
“Yellow is the color of optimism and confidence and hope … The whole ensemble radiated hope and optimism,” Mandi Norwood, a former editor at Mademoiselle magazine who is writing a book on Michelle Obama’s style, told Reuters” I thought her outfit resembled that velvety wallpaper which was fashionable in the 60’s. Or as another blogger commented: “Is she walking around in inaugural upholstery?”
“Fox News is broadcasting pictures of the [Senator Ted] Kennedy being loaded into an ambulance by paramedics.” Noooo… not Fox! They’d never stoop so low!
And you can trust I’ll be rushing out to order one of these:
You may have noticed by the lack of posting that I went bush a few weeks back, reneging my personal pledge to find something worthwhile to blog about once a week.
While in the sunny Coromandel for near on a month I’ve had little contact with computers, the internet, newspapers, TV news, politics, pen, paper, colleagues, or anything else west of the Kopu bridge or south of Paeroa.
This lack of journalistic production over the silly season is something that appears to be common in my line of work.
“ONE OF the myriad absurdities of the weekly opinion business is the summer hiatus when real news and its attendant opportunities for comment dry up like a puddle in the Gisborne sun.
It’s not that the world really stops turning or that stuff conveniently fails to happen. It’s just that our calendar demands some annual leave be taken, so the illusion of a lull in reality has to be created.”
….Yesssss, that’s what I’ve been doing, creating an “illusion of a lull in reality,” not purposely avoiding all contact with computers and media.
Indeed. Well, that lull in reality ended for me this morning when I walked into the Hauraki Herald office in Thames to undertake a 2 week journalism internship.
I assume it isn’t as daunting for me as some of my classmates; after all I’ve done this before. The trick is to be keen and stay on the good side of whoever is in charge (although the editor is away this week, I did manage to piss off the editor of another newspaper – but that’s another story!)
Reesh:unleashed is set to return in all its satirical, sarcastic and hard hitting glory – just as soon as I’ve completed some important journalism (80-year-old owner of vintage car; Christian evangelist to visit Tairua; extreme sport junkie grandmother in Whitianga).
Recent journalism graduate; freelancer dabbling with websites and video; currently looking for a fulfilling new job; promoting/marketing beer doesn't quite cut it...
A recent cartoon has led me to rehash this old gem – How do cartoonists get away with what appears to be blatant defamation? I spoke to cartoonist Mike Moreu and queried media law experts:
Mr Scott was banned from Muldoon’s press conferences because Muldoon didn’t regard him as a real reporter, but rather a satirist.
The occasional trademark grunt assures you this film features the legendary Clint Eastwood.
In December I spoke to Interest.co.nz managing editor Bernard Hickey about the best ways people could invest their money. 
